Tortured Soul
by Amaranth Traces
Summary: SamDaniel Friendship. After Sam disappears on a routine mission, it's up to the rest of SG1 to retrieve her. But sometimes, getting home is just the easy part. A standalone story, but the AU it creates is continued in Kindred Spirits.
1. Chapter 1

**Tortured Soul**

_Genre:_ Drama/Angst & Hurt/Comfort_  
Pairing:_ Sam/Daniel friendship  
_Spoilers:_ Hathor, In the Line of Duty, The Tok'ra, Jolinar's Memories, The Devil You Know, Fair Game, as well as an extremely teeny-tiny one for both Nemesis and Between Two Fires.

_Summary:_ After Sam disappears on a routine mission, it's up to the rest of SG-1 to retrieve her. But sometimes, getting home is just the easy part.  
_Season:_ End of Season 4, not long before Double Jeopardy  
_Rating:_ T for violence, torture and some language

_Acknowledgements:_ Thanks so much to "Where are the Furlings" for helping me work out some plot details, to my mom for help with the medical stuff, to my friend Sarah for sharing her knowledge about torture and its psychological effects, and to MaureenT for giving this story a once-over. Last, but far from least, **huge thanks** to Thraesja, my wonderful beta, whose particular brand of sarcasm is forcing me to become a better writer.

_Disclaimer: _The only thing I own that's related to Stargate is my DVD collection.

_Author's notes:_ I've tried something new for this story (new to me, at least). Odd-numbered chapters are from Sam's point of view, while even-numbered chapters are from Daniel's.

**-- Chapter 1 --**

"Carter!"

I jumped, startled. I must have been daydreaming. Looking towards the source of the shout, I saw Colonel O'Neill sitting against a log nearby. He was holding his hand out to me and looking quite impatient.

"Sir?"

"Lunch?"

Looking around, I realised we were making camp...somewhere. Where were we?

"Helloooo...Carter!"

There was an MRE in my hand, so I handed it to the Colonel.

"Thank you!" His tone was considerably less than sincere.

We were in a small clearing in a forest; a fire burned a few feet away. Teal'c helped himself to a meal and sat down next to Colonel O'Neill. Daniel plopped down on the ground next to me. He gave me another MRE and nudged my shoulder with his.

"You okay?"

"Um..." I looked around to ensure that the Colonel and Teal'c were out of earshot. "I don't know where we are..."

Daniel wrinkled his nose and pointed to my temple. "Well, you did take a pretty good blow to the head back there."

My hand went to my head and I looked at him, confused. I felt the field dressing and cringed. "I did?"

"Yeah. Tree came out of nowhere." He winced.

"I uh...I don't remember that..."

"Don't worry. We'll get back soon, and Janet will fix you up."

Nodding in reluctant agreement, I took a bite of my MRE and nearly gagged. I had a look at the packaging. Spaghetti and Meat Sauce. I'd never have known it. The flavour was somewhere between Styrofoam and tinfoil, the texture similar to sandy soil. "Is it just me, or are these particularly bad today?"

"Yeah, no kidding. These things should be classified as cruel and unusual punishment," he laughed. "Ooh! The coffee's ready." Daniel grabbed the coffee pot from the fire and poured two cups.

I accepted the mug he offered. "Thanks. At least something will be palatable." I took a sip and then promptly spit it out, staring at Daniel in confusion. "What is this?"

"It's coffee! What's wrong with it?"

Smacking my lips, I inspected the dark liquid in my mug. It certainly **looked** like coffee. I sniffed at it and couldn't help but recoil at the offensive odour. Glancing at Daniel, I saw the hurt look on his face.

"Sorry." I tried the coffee again and forced myself to swallow it. I scowled into the cup. It tasted just like the MRE. How was that possible? I glanced at Daniel again and decided my head injury must be affecting my taste buds. Daniel would never willingly drink coffee that tasted like this. And he'd certainly never make it. Ugh. Why did this awful flavour seem so familiar?

Our meal finished, I followed the others across the forested terrain. Nothing about this planet seemed familiar. That must have been some blow to the head.

I wasn't certain how much time passed, but eventually we entered a clearing and I could see the Stargate in the field ahead. It was surrounded by a number of ruined walls and fallen pillars from what must have been an ancient building. Starting to feel comfortable again, I breathed a sigh of relief and we headed for the gate.

Suddenly, a staff blast fizzled past my head. Colonel O'Neill started shouting orders. We all ducked into the ruins. We returned fire, covering Daniel as he headed for the DHD.

I crouched behind a waist-high wall in front of the Stargate. Staff blasts rained down all around. We did our best to ensure that our bullets kept the Jaffa busy. An eternity passed. The Stargate whooshed to life. Daniel scrambled around the DHD for cover.

"Carter!" Colonel O'Neill was shouting at me. He and Teal'c were behind a larger section of wall. They were both firing at the advancing enemy. "Enter the IDC!"

I turned around, leaning my back on the wall. The Stargate shimmered at me. My previous feeling of unease returned with full force. How did we get here? Where did these Jaffa come from? Where were we, anyway?

"Carter!" the Colonel bellowed, "Now!"

Nothing about this situation seemed right...

"Sam!" I heard Daniel shout. I turned in time to see my best friend take a staff blast to his chest and crumple to the ground. _Oh God. Daniel!_

My fingers flew to the GDO on my wrist. Then I stopped. My instincts were screaming at me, but I didn't know why. Daniel's still form lay a few feet away. The active Stargate beckoned. Enter the IDC and we could go home. We could be safe. Why couldn't I decide what to do?

Teal'c laid down fire for Colonel O'Neill as he moved to the wall I was using as cover.

"What the hell is going on, Carter? We're dying here. Enter your IDC!"

My eyes moved back to the Stargate and then to Daniel. My fingers inched toward the GDO again. I looked at the Colonel. "You do it, sir!"

"I gave you a direct order, Major!"

The wall behind me trembled with the impact of each staff blast.

The metallic flavour of the coffee and MRE lingered in my mouth. Where had I tasted that before? Something I didn't fully understand clicked. Suddenly, I was sure of one thing: this was wrong.

I stood up and turned my weapon on my commanding officer. "You do it, sir!" I repeated. The staff blasts were raining down around me, but miraculously I hadn't been hit. Yet, anyway.

"Carter! Have you lost your mind?!"

"Enter the IDC, sir!"

"Damn it, Carter! Enter the damn code now!"

A staff blast hit me in the back. My trigger finger reflexively contracted. Time slowed to a crawl. The Jaffa were closing in. As the blinding pain overwhelmed me, I felt my knees buckle. The last thing I saw before the blackness enveloped me was Colonel O'Neill taking a bullet from my weapon to his chest. The expression on his face was one of ultimate fury.

**To be continued...  
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	2. Chapter 2

**-- Chapter 2 --**

I pushed my glasses up and pinched the bridge of my nose. This discussion was getting nowhere. With a tortured cry, I slammed my fists onto a nearby table.

Jack jumped. Teal'c raised his eyebrow. Fanren stopped snivelling. I'd had enough.

After taking a calming breath, I turned back to the questionable character before us. "Listen Fanren, it's been fifty-two days. We need you to tell us where she is."

Fifty-two days! Fifty-two days ago, everything was fine. Fifty-two days ago, we were on P27-593 negotiating a trade partnership with the locals. Fifty-two days ago, Sam had been kidnapped. My fault. I should have seen it coming.

In those fifty-two days, we had tracked Sam to Fanren. He was a weaselly little man; I had disliked him instantly. It had taken days for the villagers on P27-593 to finally admit that they had given her to a slave trader in exchange for the return of their chieftain. Her fair hair, skin and eyes apparently made her a valuable commodity. By the time we had found the slave trader, he had already sold Sam. In the last fifty-two days, she had passed hands fourteen times.

We had traced her across the galaxy ourselves. The Asgard and the Tollans were too caught up in their own little dramas to help us with ours. Even after all we had done for them – all that Sam had done for them. And we hadn't been able to so much as contact the Tok'ra. Jacob was going to be pissed when he discovered what their apparent 'fair-weather' relationship had cost his daughter.

Fanren was the latest link in the chain, and he wasn't talking. He was just nervously shaking his head. Well, that wouldn't do at all.

I closed the space between myself and the man in two long strides. "Tell us where she is." I struggled to keep my voice calm.

Fanren looked around my shoulder at Jack and Teal'c, and then turned his eyes back to me. "I–I can't tell you! My clients are very touchy! They'd kill me for so much as saying their names! Or–or worse!"

"What do you think **we'll** do to you?" Jack stepped in front of me and glowered down at Fanren.

Teal'c crossed his arms across his chest, leaned forward and glared in that threatening manner he does so well.

Fanren backed away from us, flattening his back against a wall. "She–she was here, but I sold her. She's gone now! I swear!"

"To whom did you sell Major Carter?" Teal'c took a menacing step forward.

"I–I–I don't remember!"

"I–I–I think you do!" Jack mimicked, curling his hands into fists.

"It was more than a month ago, I can't remember!"

Teal'c took another step forward. I thought Fanren might wet his pants.

"I–I have records! I only track my–my...legal trades and sales, but the name might be there!" He scrambled over to a cabinet and pulled out several documents. He pushed them into Jack's chest.

Jack shook his head and thrust his chin in my direction. I held my hand out for Fanren's records.

Clearing space on a table with a sweep of my arm, I studied the documents for some clue as to Sam's whereabouts. At least Fanren was considerate enough to write in common Goa'uld.

"Where do you think you're going?"

I looked up to see Jack grab the collar of Fanren's tunic, preventing the trader's early escape. Sighing in frustration, I turned back to the task at hand.

"Teal'c? Do any of these names seem familiar to you?"

Teal'c cast another threatening glance toward Fanren before moving to peer over my shoulder.

I ran my finger down the list before me.

"Sindar," said Teal'c.

Fanren made a strange sound. I glanced over and saw him struggling to free himself from Jack's grip.

"Who's Sindar?" I looked up at Teal'c. He seemed even tenser than before.

"Sindar is the First Prime of Cronus."

That explained it. Cronus had killed Teal'c's father. He was also most likely the Goa'uld who had sent the Ashrak after Jolinar. If he had Sam...

"Did you sell Carter to Sindar?" Jack had Fanren by the scruff of his neck and was shaking him roughly.

"Please, he'll kill me!"

"**I'll** kill you if you don't start talking!"

Fanren seemed to be having difficulty deciding who the greater threat was, us or Cronus. He must have concluded that we were at least the more immediate threat, because he finally started talking.

"When Cronus heard that I had a woman of the Tau'ri, he sent Sindar. He seemed very pleased when he saw her. He–he paid handsomely for her."

I caught Jack's eye, and I knew he was thinking the same thing I was. This was it. We had found her. Cronus would still have her. I was sure of it.

"And **now** you're going to tell us where Cronus is and everything you know about his defences." Fanren again cowered before Jack.

"I don't know anything!"

"You keep saying that. We still don't believe you."

That was it. I was at the end of my diplomatic rope. The 'good cop, bad cop' routine obviously wasn't working with this guy. Time to try 'bad cop, worse cop'.

I moved to stand next to Jack. Pushing him aside with the back of my hand, I faced Fanren head on. I drew my weapon and pressed the barrel against his head.

"Daniel!"

I had surprised Jack. He had to stop underestimating me. Or was that overestimating me? I could work out the moral ramifications later, when Sam was safe. I gave Fanren my most menacing glare. "You **will** tell us everything you know."

"G–get him off of me!" Fanren's voice was shrill.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Jack shrug. "I'd try, but he never listens to me."

"Where. Is. Cronus?" I punctuated each word with a nudge to his head from my gun.

"Okay–okay–okay! I'll tell you just–just get him away from me!"

Hours later, Jack and Teal'c seemed confident that we had all of the information that we needed to mount a rescue mission. We headed back to the Stargate, finally with the workings of a plan.

We're coming, Sam. Hang on.

**To be continued...  
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	3. Chapter 3

**-- Chapter 3 --**

Pain. And cold. A hard floor.

I cautiously opened an eye and recognised my dimly lit cell. Looming from the centre of the room was a gleaming metal monstrosity. The Table. I shuddered and looked away.

Groaning, I tried to sit up. The room swam around me and I leaned back, resting my head against the cold wall. I had long ago lost track of the days. It felt like I had been here for months.

Why wouldn't they just kill me?

I allowed my head to roll to one side and I saw the ever-present bowl of grey goo that passed for food in this place. I only ate when the hunger became too much to bear. That was the only time that I could tolerate the sandy-soil texture and disgusting Styrofoam-tinfoil flavour.

The door slid open.

Oh God. Not again. I braced myself for another round of torture.

"Sam?"

I blinked at the man who had entered the room, not believing my eyes. He knelt by my side and placed a gentle hand on my arm.

"Sam, are you okay?"

"Daniel?"

"Come on. Let's get you out of here."

He carefully pulled me to my feet and led me to the door. Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c were in the hallway. Two guards were unconscious on the floor.

"Is this real?"

"Of course it is. We're getting you home, Carter," said the Colonel.

My three teammates headed down the hallway. The Colonel turned as I hung back.

"Carter! Come on!" He took my arm.

I deftly removed the Colonel's sidearm and backed away. The gun in my hand levelled at each of them, one by one.

"This isn't real! You're not here!"

"Sam, it's us."

"Carter, what the hell are you doing?"

"Major Carter, we must make our escape now!"

"You're not real. This isn't happening!"

Why did they keep doing this to me? Why wouldn't they just kill me?

Kill me. I looked at the gun in my hand and raised it to my head.

"Sam! No!" shouted the one that looked like Daniel.

The gun probably wasn't even real. But I was tired of playing these games. All I wanted was for it to end. My finger tightened around the trigger.

Abruptly, everything around me changed. I was staring at a ceiling. I couldn't move. My eyelids drifted shut.

"Well, now. That didn't go as well as I had hoped," said a deep, echoing voice.

I pried open my eyes to look at the figure that swept gracefully to my side.

"Maybe we'll try something else today. Shall we?" Cronus nodded at his First Prime who released the restraints that had secured me to The Table.

I should have taken the opportunity to try to escape. But there was no use. It never worked. I was tired, weak, outnumbered, and, quite frankly, beyond caring.

Sindar pulled me from The Table and threw me across my cell. I rolled over the hard floor and my head slammed into the wall. I didn't even try to soften the blow. Maybe it would be what finally killed me.

I cried out as I felt the familiar sensation of the Goa'uld hand device searing my brain.

"You **will** tell me what I want to know."

The blistering pain ceased and I felt myself starting to lose consciousness. I knew they wouldn't let that happen. Not this early in today's games.

There.

Orange agony ripped through my body as Sindar pressed the pain stick into my ribs. An otherworldly sound pierced my ears. Oh God. It was me. I was screaming.

This was good. The physical torture was so much better than The Table. I could even predict what happened here. The pain was a grim reminder that I was still alive. It confirmed that this was real. Unfortunate and agonizing, yes. But it was real.

On The Table, there were the simulations. In the simulations, I couldn't tell what was real. In the simulations, I was me. Sometimes, I was Jolinar. In the simulations, my friends were there. In the simulations, I came so close to believing. So close to telling everything. So close to giving up. I hated The Table. I was getting better at recognising when I was in a simulation. But, still, I hated The Table.

"Tell me how to find the Tok'ra."

I lay on the cold floor, my eyes unseeing.

"Tell me the codes to deactivate the barrier protecting your Stargate."

There was blood in my mouth. I swallowed it.

"I don't want to hurt you."

Now he was a comedian.

"You'll forgive me if I find that hard to believe." I coughed, sending a spray of crimson to the floor in front of my face.

"Tell me what I want to know, and all this will stop."

I studied the blood droplets before me. Splotches and spidery lines of bright red. I wondered if Daniel would be able to see a pattern there. I wondered if he could translate it – if he could find the meaning of it all.

"Tell me," Cronus demanded again.

"Go to Ne'tu."

He didn't seem to like that answer. The pain stick again. More demands for information. A kick to the gut. Another to the face.

There.

The periphery of my vision was the first to go. The intricate spray of blood in front of me faded to black. As the darkness enveloped me, I prayed that it would be for the last time.

**To be continued...  
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	4. Chapter 4

**-- Chapter 4 --**

Jack ordered SG-11 to guard the Stargate and SG-6 followed us to Cronus' base. Fanren's information wasn't perfect, but it was close enough.

So far, so good. Our entrance hadn't been unnoticed, but we had been able to neutralize the Jaffa that discovered us before they could raise an alarm.

We were reaching the end of the hallway when a door slid open. Cronus stepped into the hallway. He was looking over his shoulder, speaking to someone.

"These Tau'ri are so delicate. Notify me as soon as we can begin again."

"My Lord!" Sindar was behind Cronus. He had spotted us.

Cronus turned and shouted, "Jaffa, kree!" before he strode confidently around the corner.

Sindar launched staff blasts at us as we flattened ourselves against the wall. We returned fire. About a dozen Jaffa approached. A firefight ensued. Sindar escaped the carnage, following Cronus.

I let my anger and frustration take over, and the next thing I knew I was stepping over the fallen Jaffa, heading towards the room from which Cronus had emerged.

"Cronus must not be allowed to escape!"

I grabbed Teal'c's arm as he passed me at a dead run.

"Teal'c!"

He turned to face me. The need for vengeance was plain on his face.

"Sam needs us now!"

Teal'c glared in the direction Cronus had gone. The muscles in his jaw flexed. He looked back at me and bowed his head in acknowledgement. I breathed a sigh of relief, understanding how very hard that must have been for him. His vengeance could wait. Sam could not.

Jack entered the cell first, Teal'c and I followed. SG-6 remained in the hallway.

Sam was strapped to a large metal table in the middle of the room. She was bloody, bruised and...I checked for a pulse.

"She's alive." Thank God.

I examined her restraints and pressed the release button. They opened with a click.

"Sam? Sam, wake up." She was so cold.

"Stand aside, Daniel Jackson."

I moved away and took the staff weapon Teal'c handed to me. I watched as he pulled Sam's limp form into his arms. She looked so frail.

Since we had already dispatched most of the Jaffa along our route, the trip out of the facility was quick and efficient. SG-6 took care of any remaining opposition, which was good since we were distracted with worrying about our teammate. They understood; they did their jobs well. We rejoined SG-11 and gated home.

Teal'c didn't even break stride as he stepped out of the wormhole. Jack and I followed him as he rushed through the gate room toward the infirmary, the precious bundle that was Sam cradled in his arms. General Hammond asked questions at our retreating backs, but we left SG teams 6 and 11 to provide all of the answers.

I watched, helpless, as Teal'c set Sam's unconscious body on one of the hospital beds. We all stood back, trying to stay out of the way of Janet and her staff.

More than an hour later, Janet finally allowed us to see her again. "She's dehydrated and undernourished. She has multiple contusions and lacerations and one cracked rib, but the MRI miraculously shows no internal injuries. Frankly, she's in better shape than I would have imagined. I've put her on a general antibiotic as well as Ringer's and glucose solution to provide fluid and electrolytes. The heating blanket should bring her temperature back up to normal. You can see her now, but she's still unconscious."

We didn't have to be told twice. Jack, Teal'c and I stood at the foot of Sam's bed. I looked down at our teammate, one of my closest friends, and sighed.

Janet's team had cleaned her up well. Their work had uncovered vibrant swathes of black, purple, blue and green-stained skin that marked deep bruises ranging from new to old.

I pulled a chair up beside Sam's bed and sat down. Tenderly, I took her cold hand in mine.

"She'll be okay." I wasn't really talking to anyone in particular.

"Of course she will." Jack pulled up another chair and sat, leaning his elbows against the foot of Sam's bed.

General Hammond entered the infirmary and Janet gave him a brief report of Sam's current condition.

He turned to us. "I'd like to see you all in the briefing room."

"General, if it's all the same to you, I'd like to stay with Sam." I looked at him and then down at Sam. "Someone should be here when she wakes up."

General Hammond nodded and gave me a small smile. Then he glanced at Jack and Teal'c, and they all headed out of the room.

I looked down at the woman on the bed next to me. My thumb stroked the back of her hand. She was still so cold. She had lost weight, too. Her cheeks and eyes were sunken, and she looked unhealthy. A cut stood out in vibrant red against her pale and puffy bottom lip. A large purple bruise covered most of the right side of her face.

As she slept, I spoke quietly to her, hoping she could hear. Sam was home. We could relax now. My body was quickly succumbing to sleep. I clutched Sam's hand in mine, reassuring myself as to her presence. She was finally home.

The weight of my eyelids was more than I could bear. I lay my head on the side of her bed, keeping her hand in mine. As the tiredness overwhelmed me, I silently thanked whoever might be listening that she was home. I only hoped that her rescue was the hard part.

**To be continued...  
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	5. Chapter 5

**-- Chapter 5 --**

Pain. And...warmth? And the floor was...soft?

I cracked one eye open and looked around. Another simulation. The infirmary at the base. And I wasn't alone. I opened my other eye and slowly turned my head.

'Daniel' was sleeping. Did simulations need sleep? This was a new tactic. Nice try, Cronus.

He was holding my left hand. I felt a pinch on the back of my right hand. I examined it. An IV. And I was wearing scrubs. Interesting attention to detail. You can't trick me, Cronus.

I evaluated my condition. Strange. I felt more rested and stronger than I had since...

Looking around, I noticed that 'Daniel' was the only one present. Did a simulated Stargate still work?

I slid my hand out of his very slowly. He didn't wake up. Cautiously, I sat up. Still sleeping. Good. I yanked the IV out of my hand and then out of the bag suspended above the bed.

Careful. Don't wake him up. With the IV tubing, I tied his hand securely to the bedrail. I threw the blankets off and set my feet on the floor.

He groaned and woke up. I stepped back from him. Watching. Waiting to see what he would do. I could run my own little simulation, thank you very much.

"Sam?" He looked at my handiwork and then at me. His eyes took in the blood dripping from the back of my right hand onto the floor. "What are you doing?"

He reached out his free hand to me and I flinched. Damn. He lowered his hand. "Sam, it's okay. It's me."

They always said that.

I took a slow step closer to him. He waited.

Another step. I was close to my target.

"That's right, Sam. It's okay. It's me. Daniel."

Right.

My hand darted out and snatched his security card from his breast pocket. I jumped back, watching him, my eyes wide.

"Sam, what are you–"

He was trying to get up. I took off for the door. A quick glance down the hallway. The coast was clear. I sprinted down the hall to a door. My shaking hand needed three tries to successfully swipe his card to unlock the door.

Finally.

I entered the weapons locker and threw the lid off of the first box I saw. Why would they store a zat with a handgun? So much for attention to detail. I grabbed both and loaded the gun.

The Stargate. If it worked, I'd go to Tollana. Narim could help me get home. Simulated Stargate. It couldn't possibly work. I had to try.

Alarms sounded. Lights flashed. 'Daniel' had gotten himself free. He had alerted them. Why would he do that in a simulation? Maybe the Stargate **would** work.

My bare feet slapped against the concrete floor, and I fell into the elevator. I punched 28 with my thumb. It left a bloody print half-covering the numbers. The doors opened, and I stepped cautiously into the hallway.

No one around. I raced towards the gate room. Three figures emerged from the doorway, blocking my path. I skidded to a halt and fell backwards.

Ignoring the pain, I scrambled back to my feet. I turned to run the other way. Several more people were behind me.

Trapped.

Again.

Still.

I turned to the figures blocking my way to the gate room.

"Take it easy, Carter."

I raised my zat to the one that looked like Colonel O'Neill.

"Alright, Major. Let's calm down." Shifting slightly, the zat focused on 'General Hammond'.

"Sam! It's okay, Sam."

My head jerked around. 'Daniel' and 'Janet' were coming up behind me. I raised the gun and they stopped.

"Major Carter, you must lower your weapons." My head turned back to the three impostors at the door to the gate room. 'Teal'c' was inching his hand toward the zat strapped to his leg. I aimed mine at him and cocked my head to one side. He froze.

"Sam." Daniel's soft voice from behind again. I turned. He was approaching, unarmed. His hands outstretched. I trained my gun on him. My hands were shaking.

"You can't trick me!" Even to me, my voice sounded crazed.

Everyone was shouting. My ears were ringing. I couldn't take it any more.

The gun went off.

A zat discharged.

Crackling white light. The floor rushed up to meet me. Then, blackness.

--

Pain. Warmth. Panic.

My eyes flew open. This was still the infirmary simulation. Why was he being so stubborn? I had figured it out already. I wouldn't be tricked. I had seen through his games. The disorienting effect of The Table didn't fool me any more. Just kill me.

I tried to get up, but failed. Restraints secured my ankles and wrists to the bed.

"Easy, Sam."

The one that looked like Daniel was sitting beside the bed. His arm was in a sling. Why was Cronus still running this simulation?

'Daniel' was speaking quietly, but I refused to listen. Cronus always made the Daniel simulation be nice to me. It was too cruel. I'd rather they beat me than pretend to be nice.

I shouted. I struggled. I moved as far away from him as my restraints would allow. Then I tried to move further. I could feel the restraints cutting into my skin, but I didn't care. Maybe, if I made enough blood flow, I could slip out of them.

'Janet' appeared and injected something into the IV line that was back in my hand. I felt myself grow weaker. My struggles lessened. I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. Maybe this was death.

--

My mind was muddled.

I heard voices around me.

"I believe she is regaining consciousness," said a deep voice from nearby.

I opened my eyes and screamed.

The Teal'c impostor straightened and leaned back from the bed. I struggled against my restraints. My eyes darted to the other two men around me.

"Carter, calm down."

"Sam, please."

"Just kill me! You can't trick me! End this. Please. Let me die." My throat was on fire and my screaming quickly turned to a hoarse plea. I strained to pull my arms free.

'Janet' arrived again and moved to my side. The world began to swim around me. Voices echoed in my head.

"I hate seeing her like this." That was Colonel O'Neill's voice. He sounded upset.

"We can't keep her sedated forever." That was Janet's. Hers was worried.

"God. What did he do to her?" Daniel's voice was ragged. He sounded truly concerned.

Once again, I succumbed to oblivion.

--

The pain had lessened. I was still warm. The bed was comfortable.

The infirmary again. This didn't make any sense.

I was alone. And feeling strong. Strong enough, anyway.

I struggled silently with my restraints. I strained to bend my wrists at the impossible angle that was required to free myself.

"I thought you'd be waking up again soon."

I jumped at Daniel's voice. I froze, staring at him. Waiting for him to strike. He was standing a distance away, one arm still in a sling. He had two mugs balanced in his other hand.

"I brought you some coffee. My special blend." He grinned good-naturedly.

Ah, yes. 'Daniel' always struck with kindness.

He approached the bed slowly. I watched, very wary.

He put one coffee down and sat on a chair next to the bed. "Would you like some?" He held the mug out for me to see.

My eyes flicked from his face to the mug and back again. His eyes were gentle and caring. Oh, I wanted to believe. I squeezed my eyes closed and reminded myself that it was just another simulation. I was in my cell, on The Table. None of this was real.

I opened my eyes and looked at the mug again. I **was** thirsty. Thirsty enough even to drink the swill that they offered.

My eyes must have lingered long enough on the mug for him to sense my thirst. He pressed a button and the head of the bed tilted so I was sitting upright. Then he stood up slowly and held the mug out in front of my face.

I sniffed it and frowned. It certainly **smelled** like Daniel's coffee. I looked at him, suspicious.

"It's good." He lifted the mug and took a sip. "See?"

He held it out in front of me again as I narrowed my eyes at him. Finally making a decision, I leaned forward and placed my lips at the edge of the mug.

"Careful. It's hot."

He tipped the mug very slightly, and I took a sip. My eyes flickered over his face as I swallowed the liquid. Its strong, rich, sharp flavour surprised me. It **tasted** like Daniel's special blend.

I watched him carefully as I again leaned toward the mug. He smiled slightly as I took another sip. I savoured it this time. Rolling the dark liquid around in my mouth, I tried to decide if it was real. Believing could be so easy...but it was so hard.

Tears burned my eyes.

"It's real?"

"Of course it's real. What do you mean?"

I looked around the infirmary. Oh God. If the coffee was real...

"It's real..." I turned my eyes back to him, silently questioning. Begging for an answer.

Understanding washed over his face. "Yes, Sam. You're home. It's real. We're all real."

I looked down at his sling and shook my head. "I shot you."

He smiled. "It's okay. I'm fine."

I choked as sobs ripped through my body. I was home. I didn't know how it happened, but I was home.

Daniel put the mug down and bent over me, releasing the restraints on my wrists. I flung my arms around his neck and hugged him close. I buried my face in the curve between his shoulder and his neck. My tears were flowing freely now.

"It's okay, Sam. You're alright. You're safe. You're home, now." He uttered reassuring whispers as he stroked my hair.

A light touch on my feet caused me to scream. I pulled away from Daniel. Janet raised her hands and took a slow step backwards. "It's okay, Sam. I just wanted to make you more comfortable."

"Do you want me to...?" Daniel gazed at me and gestured at my feet.

I sniffed and nodded.

He removed my ankle restraints, and I immediately folded my legs up underneath me, curling into a ball. Daniel approached again from the foot of the bed, and I reached out to him.

He was real. I didn't know about anyone else, but Daniel was real.

Daniel wrapped his good arm around my trembling body. He sat on the edge of the bed next to me, holding me gently.

I clung to him. He was real. I was home. It was finally over.

**To be continued...  
Please read and review.**

_Author's note:_ Bonus points to liz01 for predicting that someone was gonna get shot. Good thing Sam's hand was shaking too hard for her to aim properly. Phew. Close one for poor Daniel. Heh ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**-- Chapter 6 --**

She was shaking so hard. I held Sam as she cried. I had been going mad with worry while she was gone. Now, she was home. There was a long road ahead, but she had made the first step already. Through the pain, through the fear, she had taken the first step back to us.

Over Sam's shoulder, I saw Janet still standing at the foot of the bed. She gave me a pointed look, and I nodded. I would be fine with Sam while Janet gave General Hammond an update on her condition.

I stroked Sam's hair and neck, not wanting my hand to stray near the bruises that no doubt painted her back.

"You're home, Sam. You're finally home. You're going to be okay." I whispered every reassuring thing I could think of to her. She was clutching at the back of my shirt, her tears wetting my neck.

What had Cronus done to her? She had seemed like a wild animal when she first woke up. She kept screaming that we couldn't trick her. And, now, her disbelief that all of this was 'real'...

Jack entered the infirmary, interrupting my thoughts. Sam's trembling intensified.

Teal'c and General Hammond followed Jack. Janet smiled apologetically from behind them. I couldn't blame her. Even the threat of her largest needles wouldn't be likely to keep them out right now. They gathered around Sam's bed as I tried to calm her down.

Sam pulled slightly away from me, and her eyes darted from one visitor to another. She seemed terrified. Her fingers dug into my shoulder and I tried not to react as my bullet wound protested.

"They...are they real too?" Her voice was a fierce whisper in my ear.

My stomach knotted. She didn't think she could trust them. Thank God I had somehow managed to get through to her. I could help her trust the others. I glanced at the people watching us before I looked into her eyes again. "Yes, Sam. They're real. You're home. You're safe. You're with your friends."

Her eyes searched mine, and I watched as some of the panic left them. She released her death-grip on my shoulder, her arm dropping to my waist. She turned to the others.

"G–General Hammond."

"Major Carter. How are you feeling?" The General looked like he was trying to control his emotions. I had long suspected that he cared more about the members of SG-1 than was really allowed by Air Force regulations. It seemed I was right.

"I–I'm sorry for my...my earlier actions, sir. I–I thought...I thought–"

I waited for her to finish, but she dropped into silence. What did they do to you, Sam?

"That's alright, Major. What matters most is that you're back, and you're safe."

Sam nodded slowly. "Thank you, s–sir."

"You've all been through more than enough the last couple of months. I'm putting SG-1 on stand-down until further notice. I want you all to get some rest." General Hammond turned to Janet and continued quietly, "Dr. Frasier, I want a full report on her condition."

Janet nodded, and Hammond turned back to Sam.

"It's good to have you back, Major." He gave her a fatherly smile.

Sam returned his smile weakly, "It's good to be back, General. Thank you."

General Hammond nodded and then left the infirmary.

"How you feeling, Carter?" Jack asked quietly.

"Um...I'm fine, sir."

Jack rolled his eyes. "Carter." It figured that he wouldn't let Sam get away with being 'fine' either.

"I'll be okay, sir."

That answer seemed to satisfy Jack a little more. Sam turned to Teal'c.

"Teal'c...I–I'm sorry. I–"

"You do not need to apologise for your actions, Major Carter. Like General Hammond, I am relieved that we were able to rescue you from your confinement. My only regret is that we were unable to do so sooner. I would like you to know that I will do everything in my power to assist in your recovery."

Sam smiled slightly as Jack nodded. "I'm with Teal'c. Is there anything we can do?"

Sam swallowed, hard. "I–I really don't know, sir."

Jack studied her for a moment. I saw his eyes move over her injuries and how tightly her arm was wrapped around my waist. He sighed. "Well, if you need anything, just holler."

She nodded, and Jack and Teal'c left. I glanced at Janet and then turned back to Sam. She was staring at me; she looked nervous.

"You okay?"

She shook her head, tears again forming in her eyes. It must be bad if she was admitting she wasn't okay. Her arm tightened around my waist, and I let her pull me closer. I hugged her gently.

"You need to get some rest."

I felt her shake her head against my neck.

"You must be exhausted."

That was a nod.

"Don't want to sleep," she mumbled into my shoulder.

I started to pull away, but she clung to me.

"No, please Daniel..."

"Shh, Sam. It's okay. I'm not going anywhere." I looked again at Janet, standing patiently by the end of the bed. "Janet needs to make sure that you're okay."

She shook her head again.

"Sam, you know Janet would never hurt you."

She turned her head to Janet, who was smiling softly at us.

"I just want to check a few things, Sam. It won't hurt, and it'll be over quickly. I promise."

Sam finally pulled away, but she caught my hand, holding it very tightly. Was it possible that I was the only one that was truly real to her right now? All because of a cup of coffee? I looked over at Janet, questioning.

"It's okay, Sam. Daniel can stay here during the exam if you'd like."

She seemed to calm down at Janet's words. I held Sam's hands and smiled at her. My eyes never left hers as the doctor gave her the medical once-over.

Janet finished quickly, and, after a few encouraging words, she went to write her report for General Hammond.

Sam gave me a nervous smile and looked down at our hands. "Sorry," she said as she loosened her very tight grip.

"We're the ones who should be apologizing, Sam. I wish we had been able to get you out sooner." I sighed, angry at myself for failing her. A tear escaped the battle I had been waging against crying, and I felt it roll down my cheek.

She lifted a shaky hand and removed the drop with her index finger. She held her finger in front of her face and examined it, rubbing her thumb on the tear. "I almost killed you," she whispered.

Damn. "But you didn't, Sam. I'm fine." She didn't look up. Time to try another tactic. "Besides, I think Janet's been looking for an excuse to fuss over me. It's been what, months since the last time I almost died? I was overdue."

She seemed lost in thought for a moment, and then she looked at me with a small smile. Her eyes gleamed with hope.

"Can I have some more coffee?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Well, it's pretty cold now." I glanced at the mugs on the nearby table. "Would you like me to get you a fresh cup?"

Fear flashed across her face, but she nodded slowly. "Please?"

"Okay. I won't be long." I smiled and gave her a half-nod, silently asking if she would be okay.

She offered a shaky smile and a small nod, pulling the bed sheet up to her chin.

I watched her for a moment and then went to tell Janet that I'd be right back.

It took less than five minutes to get to my office, fill two mugs with hot coffee and then arrive back at the infirmary. When I returned, Sam's bed was empty.

Panic gripped me. "Sam?"

Janet stood up from where she had been crouching, out of my sight, behind Sam's empty bed.

"What happened? Where's Sam?"

Janet raised her hands in a calming gesture and pointed under the bed. I put the mugs down and crouched to the floor. "Sam?"

Panicked blue-grey eyes peered out at me. "Daniel?"

She had her back against the wall. Her knees were pulled up to her chin, her arms hugging them tightly. She was trembling fiercely and rocking back and forth.

"What are you doing under there?" I reached out my good arm. "Come on."

She hesitated a moment before placing her quivering hand in mine. I helped her back onto the bed and glanced quickly at Janet. The doctor looked relieved.

"What happened?"

Sam swallowed. "Sorry..."

"Sam, please stop apologizing. It's okay." I said softly, trying to make my point gently. "Do you want to tell me what happened?"

She seemed confused by that question and shook her head.

"Okay. How about some coffee?" I picked up one of the mugs, offering it to her.

She gave me a tentative smile and took the mug in her shaking hands. I watched as she took her first sip. Then, satisfied she wasn't going to spill the hot liquid all over herself, I picked up my own mug.

"This is good," she murmured before taking another sip.

I smiled. "Thanks."

"Everything...it all looked and felt real...but the smells, the tastes..." Sam made a disgusted face.

She was talking. Sooner than I had expected, too. I stayed quiet, not wanting to discourage her from continuing.

Sam took another sip of her coffee. "This tastes good," she said firmly. She looked up at me, hope and a question again in her eyes. "It's real."

I nodded. "Yes. It's real."

She smiled at me and drank some more.

I looked up at Janet, who was observing us quietly. I could tell she wasn't pleased about the coffee. She was always trying to get me to give it up, and she never let me touch it in the infirmary. But I also knew that Janet understood that the coffee was what had finally managed to get through to Sam. It seemed to be keeping her grounded.

She saw me looking at her and raised an eyebrow. I shrugged and took another sip. Janet shook her head at me but smiled.

Sam finished her coffee and yawned despite the caffeine just introduced into her system. She must have been exhausted.

"I think you could use some sleep." I took her empty mug and set it down on the table next to her bed.

She nodded absently, and I helped her get comfortable in the bed. I pulled my chair closer to the bed and sat down. Sam took my hand and squeezed it tightly.

I gave her hand a gentle answering squeeze. "Sleep, Sam."

"You should really get some sleep yourself, Daniel." I turned to Janet, who was still standing at the foot of Sam's bed.

"Thanks Janet, but I'm fine."

"You need rest for your shoulder to heal properly."

Damn it, why did she have to say that. I turned back to Sam, who was frowning. She looked at the sling holding my arm against my body and released my hand.

"Go sleep, Daniel."

I looked at her, concerned. The last time I left, she ended up under her bed. "I'm really okay. I can stay."

"Please, I'll be fine. Really."

I studied her and decided on a compromise. "How about I stay until you fall asleep?"

Sam smiled widely and nodded. I took her hand once more as she settled back onto her pillow. She stared at me from under heavy eyelids. I watched as sleep quickly took her.

About half an hour later, Janet returned again. She glanced at Sam to confirm she was sleeping soundly and then beckoned for me to follow her. I gently removed my hand from Sam's and followed the doctor into her office.

"Daniel, I still don't know what happened to Sam. Do you?"

"Not really. All she's told me so far is what she said while you were there." I glanced out the door towards the bed were Sam lay. "The torture is obvious. Physical, mental, emotional...but I don't know any of the details."

"Yeah, she hasn't spoken to me about it either. Her blood work shows the presence of a chemical similar to the Blood of Sokar. That, plus her behaviour earlier makes me think that Cronus may have induced a hallucinatory state in an effort to gain information. I asked her if she wanted to talk about her experience, but she hid under the bed."

That explained a lot. I cast another look in Sam's direction and sighed. "She'll talk, when she's ready."

"Will you be ready when she is?"

"What?" I turned back to Janet, confused.

"I don't think she's going to talk to me about this. Even though we're good friends, I think she's afraid of what I'll put in an official report."

That was understandable. How many times had I not divulged information to Janet for fear of what would go into an official report? An image of Hathor flashed through my mind. I cleared my throat and straightened my glasses.

Janet continued, thankfully not noticing my discomfort. "The bottom line is that I think that when she's ready to talk, it'll be you that she talks to. Are you okay with that?"

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"

Janet paused a moment, studying me. I knew how hard it was to help someone deal with trauma like this. We all did. She knew that. I had been through more than enough ordeals myself, and Sam was always there to get me through it. She had even helped me with the aftermath of the Hathor...incident.

Finally, she patted my good arm and smiled. "No reason at all. But, if you feel overwhelmed, I'm here as back-up for both of you, okay?"

"Thanks, Janet. Sam's lucky to have a friend like you."

"And you too, Daniel."

Janet smiled and urged me to go get some rest. I had to admit, I was pretty exhausted. I headed to my office and lay down on my sofa. The last couple of months finally caught up with me, and I quickly fell asleep.

**To be continued...  
Please read and review.**


	7. Chapter 7

**-- Chapter 7 --**

I struggled against Sindar as he lifted my battered body onto The Table. The restraints clamped down and I could no longer move. Cronus slid into view.

"Let's try another game." His eyes glowed as he smiled.

I screamed.

"Carter! Wake up!"

My eyes flew open. No. Not again.

"Major Carter, I believe you were experiencing a nightmare."

I stared at Teal'c, shaking.

"It's okay, Carter. It was just a bad dream." Colonel O'Neill was standing next to Teal'c. They both looked very concerned.

Something was different. I struggled to remember.

This was real. They had found me and brought me home. This was real.

I took a deep breath, trying to control my trembling body.

"Sorry, sir."

"Not a problem, Carter. You okay?"

I forced a smile. "How long do I have to stay here?"

"Until ole Doc Frasier says you can leave. You just concentrate on getting better. We're all on stand-down until you're ready to join us again."

I nodded and looked around the infirmary. "Where's Daniel?"

"Oh, he's still sleeping. Lazy ass."

Teal'c raised his eyebrow and turned to Colonel O'Neill. "I do not understand. Daniel Jackson has not allowed himself much time to rest during the entire time that Major Carter was missing. And this is the first time that I am aware he has left Major Carter's side since we recovered her, except to allow for the treatment of his injury. In what way do these actions make Daniel Jackson lazy, O'Neill?"

"It's called **sarcasm**, Teal'c. Sheesh."

"And does the term 'ass' not refer to a domesticated beast of burden? How does this apply to Daniel Jackson?"

Colonel O'Neill sighed and attempted an explanation.

I watched them banter back and forth. A small smile played on my lips. This was real.

Daniel walked into the room, running his hand through his hair. "Hey. Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep that long." He gave me a sheepish grin. "Guess I was more tired than I thought."

I glanced at Teal'c and smiled. "Yeah. I heard."

"How are you feeling?" Daniel asked.

I took a deep breath and considered the question. Janet must have given me a painkiller, because my body wasn't protesting as loudly as I expected. "Better," I decided.

Janet breezed into the room at that moment. "Well, that's definitely good to hear!"

"So what's the scoop, doc? When can we spring our girl out of this joint?"

I smiled at Colonel O'Neill's attitude and turned to Janet hopefully.

"Let me talk to my patient alone for a minute, and I'll let you guys know." None of them made any moves to leave. "Go on, now. Shoo!"

They all looked at me, and I nodded. That was apparently all they needed. They were so sweet. Quietly, they shuffled out of the room.

Janet turned back to me, her face serious but caring. "How are you feeling, Sam?"

"Better. Really."

"No more panic attacks?"

I plastered on a smile and shook my head. It wasn't a lie if I didn't say anything.

"Well, I'd like you to talk to Dr. MacKenzie."

Oh God, no. My eyes widened. "No, Janet, please..."

She narrowed her eyes at me. I knew it was her job to make sure that I'd be alright.

"Look, I'll be fine, okay? Just...please don't make me talk to him. I really am feeling better."

"Sam, you have to talk to someone about what happened to you. It's not healthy to keep things like that bottled up."

"Okay." I'd agree to just about anything right now as long as it meant I didn't have to talk to that monster MacKenzie.

"Do you want to talk to me about it?"

I frowned. "Now?" Images of official reports danced in my head.

"Not right this minute if you don't want to. But you definitely need to talk to someone with a sympathetic ear." She studied me a moment before continuing. "If not me, then maybe Daniel?"

I studied the floor. "Okay."

"Good. Now, if I give you permission to leave the infirmary, will you promise me you'll take things easy?"

I nodded.

"And stay with someone the whole time?"

I nodded again.

"And not shoot anyone?"

I looked up sharply at Janet, horrified. She was smiling.

"Just making sure you were listening."

I closed my eyes and sighed. Then I smiled weakly and nodded once more.

"All right then. I'll bring in the boys, and you can go. But I do want you to come back here if you get tired. And definitely don't leave the base, alright?"

"Thanks Janet."

She smiled and left. I carefully climbed out of bed and found some slippers.

"Hey! You've been sprung. Let's get you out of here before she changes her mind!" Colonel O'Neill was grinning.

I looked down at the hospital scrubs I was wearing. "I'd like to change first, if that's alright, sir? I should have some spare clothes in my locker."

My teammates accompanied me to the locker room and waited outside while I got changed. A few minutes later, I was dressed in my BDUs and a black t-shirt. Better. Much better.

We wandered down the halls and ended up at my lab. I touched the keyboard of a computer, reassuring myself that it was real.

"You don't actually want to work, do you?" the Colonel asked incredulously.

I looked at him abruptly and jerked my hand away from the computer. "No." Suddenly, I was nervous again. My eyes darted around the lab, searching for a reason.

"You okay?" Daniel asked quietly.

"Uh huh," I mumbled dismissively. Had to leave. I looked at them warily before heading quickly out of the room.

I could hear them following me as I walked quickly along the hallways. I entered the commissary and grabbed a tray. A cup of coffee, a plate of lemon chicken, and blue Jell-o. It all smelled wonderful.

I sat at a table and the rest of my team joined me with their lunches.

People were staring at me, and they weren't very good at hiding it. I could practically feel their eyes on me. Almost hear their thoughts. She's been gone so long. Do you think she's crazy? You know why Jackson's arm is in that sling, right?

I looked around at the faces surrounding me, and then down at my lunch. I grabbed a fork and dug into my lemon chicken. I savoured each bite. It all tasted good.

**To be continued...  
Please read and review.**

_Author's note: _Thraesja (my beta) and I have co-authored a little story together. It's a gen SG-1 fic called "The Whumpacious Whumpification of the Whumped". No, really. She has posted the first chapter (the teaser, really) under her profile. She's on my list of favourite authors, so it's easy to find both her and the story. Go read it! Review it! It's a hoot and a half...at least, we think so. :)


	8. Chapter 8

**-- Chapter 8 --**

I watched Sam eat her lunch. She seemed to be paying careful attention to each bite. There were a lot of eyes pointed in the direction of our table. Jack and Teal'c had also noticed, I'm sure.

We finished our lunch and left the commissary. I nearly ran into Jack's back when he stopped suddenly in front of me.

Jack turned and muttered over his shoulder, "Get her out of here."

I was confused until I saw Senator Kinsey coming down the hallway towards us. Gently, I took Sam's arm. "Come on, Sam." We headed around the corner, away from the approaching man.

Kinsey had been on General Hammond's case for not deactivating Sam's IDC immediately after she had been taken. Hammond had held off on making that decision for as long as he could. It had been two full weeks before Hammond had been forced to deactivate her code. If he had waited any longer, he would likely have been removed from command. There was no guarantee that whoever was appointed leader of the SGC after that would be willing to continue the search for Sam.

Kinsey claimed his delay was a poor command decision that threatened the security of the entire planet. He accused General Hammond of making the decision on emotional grounds. Problem was, he was probably right.

Since Sam had woken up, Jack and Teal'c had been running interference, trying to keep the self-serving Senator away from her. He seemed to think that she'd been compromised by the enemy.

"What's going on?" Sam sounded confused as she followed me down the hall.

"Jack and Teal'c are heading off Kinsey again. He's been trying to get in to talk to you since you woke up. Let's try to put that off a while longer, okay?" I smiled at her and raised my eyebrows.

We got in the elevator, and Sam punched the button for Level 18.

"We'll go to your office. I'm sure you have work to do, Daniel. I don't want to keep you from it."

"It's nothing that can't wait, Sam."

"Look. If you don't get your work done, then you'll make yourself sick pulling all-nighters. I won't be responsible for that." She reached out to touch my sling. "I've caused you enough harm recently." Her hand fell back to her side, and she looked at me steadily. "And I know you weren't taking care of yourself while I was gone. Come on."

Who had told her that? Damn it.

I followed her to my office, and we sat down, me at my desk and her in another chair. I looked at the mess on my desk. I didn't know where to start. It had been two months since I had done anything that wasn't related to getting Sam home.

I glanced over at Sam. She was looking at something intently, her eyes narrowed. I turned to see what it was. My computer? I turned back to her and she was looking at me.

"You know...maybe you can help me with something."

I raised my eyebrows. "Anything, Sam."

"I'd like to get some forms from the base's intranet."

I frowned at her. "Sam. You're not supposed to be working."

"Please, Daniel. It would really make me feel better. It's just some forms; I'll fill them out, and that's it. I swear."

I studied her for a moment. She looked very tense. I gestured at my computer. "It's all yours. But just the forms..."

She didn't move. She just stared at me.

"What's wrong?"

The muscles in her jaw flexed. "Can you get them for me?"

"Uh, alright. But why?" I tilted my head at her curiously.

"Just...please?" She bit her lip and gripped the arms of her chair tightly. I had the feeling that if I said no, she'd bolt out of the room.

"Okay, Sam. Anything for you. You know that." I turned around and logged onto the network. "What forms do you need?"

"Um..." Sam moved to stand over my shoulder, looking at the screen. She reached out and pointed at several links. "New network password, randomly generated email password, newly coded security card...everything new."

I turned my head and looked at her, worried. There was no doubt in my mind that she'd sooner die than give her codes and passwords to Cronus. She looked back at me, obviously nervous.

Directing my attention back to the computer, I dutifully printed off all of the forms she requested. Sam collected the pages from the printer and studied them before looking at me gratefully.

"Thanks, Daniel."

She sat down and miraculously uncovered a pen from the clutter on my desk. I watched as she started to fill out the first document.

I leaned closer to her over my desk. "Why didn't you want to get them yourself, Sam? Are you okay?"

She just nodded, concentrating on her paperwork.

I watched her for several minutes before finally deciding to try to organize the chaos on my desk.

Sam finished her requests, and we began an excavation to find my outbox. Once the forms were safely tucked away for pick up the next day, she sat back in her chair, apparently content to watch me work.

After an hour and a half, I had uncovered the majority of my desk. Files and folders had been stacked neatly into piles categorized by urgency. I pulled out the most urgent project file and found the tablet that it referred to on the floor nearby.

Sam stood up and stretched. She groaned and clutched at her ribs. I winced in sympathy for her. She waved me back to my work as she went over to my coffee machine to start a fresh pot.

I looked up as she placed a mug next to the tablet.

"Thanks, Sam." I leaned back in my chair and sipped the coffee. "This must be terribly boring for you."

She shook her head, "No, I love watching you work. Besides, I can't do anything until I hear back from them." She waved her hand at the forms sitting in my outbox.

My eyes lingered on her paperwork, and I took another sip of coffee. I looked back at her. "Your old network passwords should still work..." I didn't think she should be working, but I was curious as to the reasons behind her actions.

Sam looked at me over the rim of her mug. She took a sip before answering. "I don't want to use my old passwords."

I sat quietly, waiting for her to continue. My unspoken 'why not' hanging in the air.

She met my gaze for a moment and then looked around my office. Abruptly, she stood and closed my door before sitting down again. She studied me carefully before continuing.

"While I was..." her voice trailed off. She took a deep breath and began again. "They tried to make me believe that I was here, with all of you. Everything looked the same, and, for the most part, everyone acted the same."

No wonder she had been having trouble trusting us. No wonder she shot me.

"Nothing smelled or tasted right though. They were feeding me this disgusting grey goo. Everything I ate while in the simulations tasted like that slime." She took another sip of her coffee then waggled her mug at me. "They tried to trick me into giving them my codes, the location of the Tok'ra – anything they thought would be useful. They made me think we were under attack on a planet. And you – or at least a simulation of you – dialled Earth, and the Colonel ordered me to enter my IDC." Sam paused, taking a shuddering breath. "I nearly did it, too, after you...the 'other-you' was hit by a staff blast."

I sighed in frustration. The Goa'uld were always finding new depths of depravity.

"Something wasn't right though. I couldn't remember how we had gotten to that planet, or who was attacking us, or why..." She shook her head. "Thank God he didn't realise how close he had gotten to making me do it."

"Sam, I'm so sorry you had to go through that."

She gave me a small smile and lifted her mug to her face. I watched as she inhaled deeply before taking a slow sip.

"They put me through so many simulations designed to get me to give up the information. The Table had a muddling effect on my mind. When I was on The Table, I had a hard time remembering previous simulations. I did get better at knowing when I was in a simulation, but it got harder and harder to tell what was real and what wasn't. I think they did it on purpose, too. I'm almost positive that they even ran simulations of me in my cell being beaten."

Sam squeezed her eyes closed, and I got up, walking around my desk to sit on the arm of her chair. I put my arm across her shoulders and hugged her against my body.

She looked up at me and smiled, then rested her head against my arm. "They tried everything. They made me think so many times that I was being rescued, that it had all been a dream, that it was some new training program that the SGC was testing. And every simulation was so real..." Her voice trailed off, and she looked up at me again.

Sam took another deliberate sip of coffee, and her eyes wandered to my sling. She winced. "This is really real, isn't it?"

I smiled softly at her and nodded.

She shook her head and put her mug on my desk. "I'm so sorry, Daniel. I can't believe I shot you."

"It's okay, Sam."

"God! I could have killed you!" She held her head in her hands.

"Sam, it's okay. I'll be fine. I know you'd never intentionally hurt me."

She looked up at me. The tears pooling in her eyes surely mirrored my own. Sam wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her face into my chest. I held her as she cried.

**To be concluded...  
Please read and review.**


	9. Epilogue

**-- Epilogue --**

My nightmares were becoming fewer and farther between. One thing about this job was that we had no shortage of monsters chasing us in our dreams.

I had taken to wearing slippers around my house. The cold floors had caused me to experience graphic flashbacks of my period of captivity. I'm seriously considering having my kitchen and bathroom carpeted. Anything to prevent finding myself curled up against the dishwasher again, clutching my hand mixer like it's an M9. Maybe someday the association won't be so strong. But not today.

I took a deep breath and tried to relax. I pulled the blanket closer around my chin.

It was two full months before I was declared fit to rejoin SG-1 for missions. I ended up not having to see the dreaded Dr. MacKenzie after all. General Hammond had insisted – something about getting the proper paperwork – but I had refused. He ended up using my experience and the various other ordeals met by members of the SGC as an excuse to bring in an Air Force therapist who specialised in torture and its psychological effects.

The eminent traumatologist Dr. Kaplan was brilliant and kind. And she didn't immediately resort to medicating her patients. I was very happy to have her to talk to. Daniel was a compassionate listener, but I didn't want to burden him with the details of my captivity.

My first mission back had been calm and uneventful. For that, I was grateful. When it was time to go home, I insisted on dialling Earth myself. I entered my new IDC and strode boldly through the gate without waiting for anyone else. I really think I expected not to emerge from the other side. I imagined myself splatting on the inside of the iris, the SGC personnel never completely able to figure out what had happened.

But I didn't. I stepped through the wormhole and onto the ramp in the gate room. I remember stopping dead in my tracks just on the other side of the event horizon and being shocked at what I saw. Shocked at the normalcy of it – the SFs standing down, General Hammond and Walter Harriman watching from the control room. It was perfect. And I was blocking the ramp. Poor Daniel had run right into me.

"Are you okay?" he had asked quietly.

I had looked back at him, a slow smile spreading over my face. The truth was I suddenly felt more okay than I had in a very, very long time. "You know what? I think I really am," I had answered.

He had given me a look then, and I knew that he knew what I was talking about. Daniel was great that way. Most times, I didn't need to say anything...he just knew.

That trip through the gate had sealed it for me. I was definitely home.

My connection with Daniel had been close before all of this. I admit I had more than a little fear and distrust of everyone after my experience with Cronus. But once Dr. Kaplan helped me separate the simulated friends from my real ones, I found myself growing ever closer to everyone. Particularly to Daniel. He has been so patient with all of my craziness.

I'm so lucky to have Daniel's strength to rely on. With him, I can be myself. I can show weakness, and he understands. I can communicate complex emotions and thoughts with a single glance or gesture. I snuggled into my blanket and felt an arm tighten around my shoulder. See? He knows exactly what I need, and when I need it.

--

I looked down at Sam curled up next to me on my sofa. She had been unable to sleep again and came knocking on my door. She burrowed deeper into her blanket, and I gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

She seemed to be doing much better. I can't imagine going through what she did. I don't know if I've been any help. There wasn't much I could do besides be there for her, listening to her and holding her when she needed it.

Her Air Force training was helping her to mentally get over her experience. Janet's ministrations had helped her to physically heal. I know she had been seeing Dr. Kaplan for the emotional turmoil that she was still experiencing. She talks to me about it too, now and then.

She's been putting on a brave front for Jack and Teal'c. I think they both see through it though. I catch them casting concerned glances at her once in a while, although they have been less frequent lately. It's a good thing they don't know that she's been here nearly every night, unable to sleep alone.

I think it's her military background that makes her think that she needs to be so strong in front of them. I suppose I understand that. I've been guilty of the same thing in the past, though my excuse is the foster care system. I'm just glad that she's able to relax and drop the facade with me.

Her breathing changed, and I knew she had fallen asleep. I turned off the television, rested my head against the arm of my sofa and stroked her hair.

Things like this change people. I know that. But Sam is strong. She'll be okay. I won't let her not be.

**THE END  
Please read and review.**

_Author's notes: _Thanks once again to everyone who helped me hammer out the details of _Tortured Soul_. In particular, my friend Sarah who helped to make Sam's psychological trauma realistic and my fabulous beta, Thraesja, who was patient-beyond-words as we polished this story. When all of our editing brought _Tortured Soul_ to version 82million and one, I realised just how lucky I was to have met her. Yeah, I know. Sometimes, I'm a little slow. Thanks, Thrae!!

Lastly, while this story stands alone, the AU it creates is continued in _Kindred Spirits_. However, if you're only interested in Sam/Daniel friendship, I suggest you stop at this story, since _Kindred Spirits _contains a great deal of UST.


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